I Lost My Mother and Was Left With One Question I Can’t Ignore

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A few weeks ago, I lost my mother.

Even though she was 90, her passing was sudden and took all of us by surprise. This past Mother’s Day was the first one in 58 years that I could not pick up the phone, visit her, or thank the woman who gave me life - and so much more.

I lost my father over a decade ago, and that was incredibly difficult. But losing your remaining parent is something entirely different. It changes you. It removes the final layer between you and the reality of your own mortality. For me, it forced questions to the surface that I could no longer avoid.

My mother lived in the same home where I grew up for nearly 50 years. She immigrated from Scotland to Canada, leaving behind everything and everyone she knew to build a new life and raise a family. Like many women of her generation, she devoted herself fully to her children while my father worked to provide for us.

Looking back now, I would say my mother had a good life. But if I am being completely honest, I also recognize how much she sacrificed along the way. Like countless mothers, she quietly placed her own dreams, ambitions, and personal desires behind the needs of her family. She did it without complaint, without recognition, and with extraordinary love.

I hope, in the end, she knew how deeply she mattered.

Her final months included a short battle with dementia - a cruel disease I would not wish on anyone. Watching someone you love slowly disappear while they are still physically present is heartbreaking beyond words.

In her final days, it often felt as though her life was replaying itself in fragments. She would tell stories from her youth, speak about people she had known decades ago, and most often, talk about her children.

When she passed, grief hit me like a wave. But beneath the sadness, another feeling slowly emerged - a question that became impossible to ignore:

Have I truly lived my best life?

It is a question many people encounter during midlife, but after losing both parents, it carries a different weight. When the people who gave you life are gone, you suddenly realize something unsettling:

Your own runway is shorter than you think.

And maybe that realization is meant to wake us up.

Too many people move through life reacting instead of living intentionally. They chase success, money, titles, and approval, believing those things will eventually bring fulfillment. Then one day, they look in the mirror and realize they built a life that appeared successful on the outside while quietly abandoning who they truly wanted to become.

The best life is not measured by status, wealth, or achievement alone.

It is built through two deeply personal things:

your identity and your vision for your life.

Your identity is who you choose to become.

Your vision is the life you are intentionally trying to create.

Together, they shape your values, your purpose, your relationships, your decisions, and ultimately your legacy. They determine whether you are living deliberately - or simply existing on autopilot.

A clear vision gives life meaning. It reminds us what actually matters before time quietly slips away.

So back to the question:

Have I lived my best life?

My honest answer is: not yet.

But I am becoming the person I want to be. I am building a life that feels more aligned with my values, purpose, and truth. And maybe that is what living your best life really means.

Not perfection.

Not arriving.

But becoming.

My mother’s passing reminded me that time is undefeated. None of us are promised unlimited chances. The days we spend postponing our dreams, avoiding difficult conversations, neglecting our health, remaining in unhappy situations, or waiting for “someday” are days we never get back.

That is the wake-up call grief delivers.

One day, the people who love you will stand where you stand now. And one day, someone will speak about the life you lived.

So ask yourself honestly:

Who do I want to become?

What kind of life am I truly trying to build?

Am I living intentionally - or simply surviving?

If you do not have the answers yet, start asking the questions now. Because life is shorter than we think, and the cost of waiting is often far greater than the cost of changing.

Sometimes the most important journey in life begins with a single honest conversation.

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